


Joy and Fury

by FeatheredSparks



Series: Mind Games [1]
Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Character Study, Episode: s04e08 Stranded, Gen, Other episode references sprinkled throughout, The other Titans are more discussed/in the background than major characters, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:19:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatheredSparks/pseuds/FeatheredSparks
Summary: Tamaraneans are passionate by nature, so much so that their very powers are accessed through strong emotions. Starfire is well-versed in the art of directing those emotions to use her full skillset in the heat of battle, so when a simple misunderstanding causes her to lose all control, she is going to have some concerns.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Koriand'r & Raven (DCU)
Series: Mind Games [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896811
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	1. Unbridled Joy

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone recognizes me (and/or this story) from FF.net, hi again! With the new year upon us, I figured it was a good time to finally make an account and start crossposting my works over here.
> 
> This piece was inspired largely by the episode "Stranded," which is one of my personal favorites. I was intrigued by the idea of Starfire's powers being directed by specific emotions, and find it pretty dang impressive that she's able to use abilities like joy-powered flight in the middle of some extremely stressful battles. It made me curious about just what it was about the situation in "Stranded" that made her lose control, and in the midst of analyzing the death out of the episode I found that the emotional confusion she cites both makes a lot of sense and is actually rather intriguing. Thus, this fic – which explores first the beginning of the episode from her point of view and then the way she might deal with the incident afterward – was born.

Flight always seemed to come naturally when Starfire had Robin by her side.

In battle, the unbridled joy of flight was simultaneously the most crucial and most difficult of her power-linked emotions to maintain. Fury and confidence could often be pulled from the very act of facing off against a threat to the people, and there were Tamaranean warriors who used a thrill of the fight to sustain their joy, but Starfire had always considered the latter practice dangerous. Instead, she often had to rely on her _k'non_ and _k'nonaki_ , mental bonds she had forged that could quickly inspire necessary emotions, to keep herself in the air. _K'non_ weren't exactly difficult to use – their construction was one of the first skills a Tamaranean warrior learned, after all – but they still required that extra measure of concentration.

When she had her friends with her, though, joy came more easily. She supposed it only made sense. Most of her _k'non_ were linked to people, and these days, she almost always pulled joy from thoughts of her teammates. Why not, then, allow their closeness itself to inspire her? And… there was something altogether more satisfying about letting her emotions and powers sustain themselves. It was more natural. More pure. A way of letting go and simply _being_.

So it was that, when she and Robin had begun tag-teaming with the help of her flight, she had gladly let herself fall into the rhythm. Robin was her leader, her best friend, and her… _something_ more, she was sure… And if the thrill of his touch was enough to get them into the air where she could remove him from harm's way or throw him back into the fray, then so be it. She could switch back to her _k'non_ in an instant, but those little moments gave her a welcome reprieve from the constant strain of emotional control.

That was why, when the two of them dove off the satellite catwalk to lure the shrieking creature into a trap, she had let go of all thought for a moment, reached out to clasp his hand, and then let the harmony of their unspoken communication and the warm realization of his complete trust in her and the simple feeling of his hand in hers lift them back up over the railing. And _that_ was why, when they landed, Starfire found herself more than a little… giddy.

It really didn't help that he followed it up by complimenting her.

 _Okay, um,_ she thought to herself. _What was the phrase Cyborg taught me? 'Play it cool?' Yes. I believe I can do that._ Return the compliment, and the affectionate punch to the shoulder that had come with it. Easy.

…Only she forgot to turn off her high-strength and knocked him clear across the path. She could feel the heat in her face now, and even she wasn't sure how much of it was from embarrassment and how much was pleasure over the odd little moment they were sharing.

Robin scrambled to his feet and rubbed his sore arm, but instead of getting upset at her, he commended her strength. _X'hal_ , this man was adorable.

Oh, right. Cool. Um, she supposed she should return the compliment again? Yes, that seemed prudent. This was fine.

As she babbled something about abundant limb strength, Cyborg piped up behind her. "Let's go," he said, turning toward Robin. "…Unless you wanna stay here goofing around with your girlfriend."

Starfire blinked. Girlfriend? She turned the word over in her head. It was simple in construction, but she had heard it spoken enough to know that it usually held a meaning beyond the obvious. There were… romantic connotations, yes? She supposed that, given the closeness of her and Robin's bond and the clear affection they shared, it was a fair enough thing to call her.

…So why was Robin showing such signs of distress?

"She's not my girlfriend!"

* * *

A lot happened after that. The monster reappeared at the worst possible time, the communication satellite was utterly destroyed, and in the ensuing chaos, the split pods of the T-ship were caught in the nearby planet's gravitational field and all crashed separately.

And through it all, Starfire had felt her emotional control slipping – and Robin had refused to answer the simple question that would have helped her rebalance herself.

Starfire groaned and leaned back against the seat of her pod. That last shriek must have damaged something in its systems, and she'd barely regained enough control to pull out of a dive and minimize the impact of her landing. She was… physically fine, but she could only pray that the others had managed no worse. They were strong, though, and Cyborg built his vehicles to carry them through anything the superhero life threw at them. Even now, the interior of her pod was almost entirely intact.

All that remained, then, was to _find_ her friends. She grabbed her communicator, hoping that it could still pick up a signal after all that had happened.

The hiss of static that greeted her when she tried its button made short work of that hope. Slumping back again, she grit her teeth in frustration and slammed a fist into the side of the pod.

Too late, she realized that denting her ship would only make matters worse. She winced as she glanced over to assess the damage and…

…

There wasn't a single mark on the smooth metal surface.

Starfire's throat went dry as she remembered just why she'd been so agitated back on the satellite. In her time as a Titan, she had carefully honed her confidence into a constant, subconscious thing that she could use to pull forth her high-strength on reflex. Strength was _always_ on hand in times of distress, and even a thoughtless act such as this should have made an impact.

Instead, the moment only highlighted what she was beginning to realize as she turned her attention inward.

Tamaraneans were passionate beings, built to embrace and express their emotions in full. They could learn to control the direction of their emotions, yes, but that control still relied on the need to truly _feel_. She had learned by now that humans didn't work quite the same way; they were more secretive in general, and those who expressed themselves completely seemed to be considered abnormal. It was a difficult mindset for Starfire to fully wrap her head around, but she had a lifetime's practice of meeting and interacting with other species of different psychologies, and she could at least understand and appreciate the concept.

But that didn't explain why Robin – _her_ Robin, who had always been so comfortable around her and was often more open with her than with the others – had so vehemently denied a suggestion of the special bond they shared. Or, worse, why he had suddenly closed his thoughts to her. She was uncertain of what she thought she knew about them, now. She feared that what Cyborg had said, or perhaps something she herself had done, had damaged their friendship in a way that could not be repaired. She worried that he had never felt, and never would feel, the same way about her as she did about him. And in some ways, that worry was the worst part of it – because she was quite certain by now that she was in love with him, and love was not something a Tamaranean could give up easily.

But none of those emotions were what she needed. Closing her eyes, she set them aside to be dealt with later and tried to pull forth confidence instead.

Without thinking, she went to her _k'nonaki_ and, to focus her thoughts, plucked at the first appropriate memory that came to mind. _A pleased grin, an affectionate punch to the shoulder, the words "Great work, Starfire!"_

" _Give me space!_ " That part of the memory lashed at her unbidden, and she grit her teeth. Robin hadn't snapped at her like that since the incident with the dust and…

 _No_. No, she was getting off track. _Those_ memories were the opposite of what she needed. Foolish girl, she should have known better than to reach for her _k'nonaki_ now.

Another source, then. She picked a _k'non_ at random and pulled up a memory – a training session she and Raven had been doing just that morning to practice combining their energies. _Harder than it looked, but each attempt had them more nearly in sync. Finally, a connection, Raven's magic arcing through her own starbolts, the training dummy blasting clear across the course. A rare satisfied smirk on her stoic friend_.

Better. Starfire clung to the memory and tried to ignore the little doubts and worries and uncertainties niggling in from the side. Tried to replay the scene in her mind's eye (X'hal, had it really been that same day?) and focus on her sense of accomplishment and the boundless confidence it promised (Not every team move had to end in confusion and doubt).

With a deep breath, she pushed up on the entrance to her pod, testing her strength. It began to loosen, built to pop off manually if the electronic systems failed, but there was far too much resistance. She was relying entirely on physical muscle.

A low growl rose in Starfire's throat as those loose threads of confidence drifted away, and they were replaced with another emotion. Anger.

What was _wrong_ with Robin? Why had he shut down on her? Why had he brushed aside such a simple question, when she clearly needed an answer? Did he not know how important it was for Tamaraneans to communicate clearly with their friends, lest something like this happen?

(The rational part of her brain reminded her that he did _not_ in fact know this. Raven was the only Titan she had ever fully explained the mechanics of her powers to, and then only because she was the one in control of them at the time. But right now, Starfire was hurt, and confused, and vulnerable and upset, and it was not really the right mood for thinking rationally.)

Fine then. If she had to be angry now, at least it was an emotion she could use. She held out a hand, took hold of her irritation, and tried to will a starbolt into existence. For good measure she conjured a mental image of Slade, _taunting Raven, taunting ALL of them, threatening Robin, burning the Mark of Skath into an entire city district_ …

For an instant she thought she saw a flicker of green in her palm, but again the muddled thoughts of the moment clawed through and crowded out her memories. By itself, her anger at the current situation was not enough – it was tense frustration, not righteous fury.

For the third time, Starfire leaned back into her seat and groaned. There was no point in even testing for flight – unbridled joy was the furthest emotion from her mind right now. Here she was, alone, on a little-known, distant planet and completely locked out of all her powers. She did not know the last time she had felt so helpless.

With a deep breath, she sat up. No, she was _not_ helpless. She was still a warrior, still a Titan, and if she could not fly or use her starbolts then she would just have to change her strategy. She scanned her surroundings through the window of her pod, and with everything clear, pushed against it again.

The window popped up with a hiss, and she carefully set it back behind her as she reviewed what she knew of this place.

The T-ship had been pulled into this planet's gravity field shortly after they had fled the communication station, so it had to be the same one the satellite had been orbiting. Exxis, she believed it was called. It was in the next star system from Earth's – the satellite had primarily been a relay for interstellar communication – and though it was habitable, the only known sapient residents were somewhat secretive and held little interest in space travel. They had permitted construction of the relay, but the planet itself was considered hostile and was not widely explored by visitors.

Starfire opened a compartment beside her seat and retrieved the bow and the quiver of arrows within. Though much less versatile than starbolts, they gave her an alternative ranged attack for situations such as this. She wished she had something for close range as well, but there was nothing for it now.

A low gurgle snapped her to attention, and she looked up to discover a creature making its way toward her. It was a green, bulbous thing, with six legs and four wicked fangs, and even as she watched it broke into a run.

With a sharp hiss, Starfire leaped back onto the exterior of her pod and braced herself. The creature was fast, and she would not have time to nock an arrow before it was too close, so instead she crouched low and waited for it to pounce before aiming a hard kick on its underside.

The strike connected, but the monster's skin gave a little and her boot caught fast rather than knocking it back. It reared and lunged, snapping at her, and she had to raise her bow to block its jaws.

With the added leverage, she managed to yank her foot free of the creature's gummy flesh. She scraped her boot along the wall of her pod, removing some of the sticky substance left behind, and held her ground. The creature continued pushing at her, trying to snap around her bow, but it was lighter than it looked and not exceptionally strong.

Starfire glanced around, calculating her next move. This creature was too fast to run from, and she was in a poor position to take it down, but perhaps she could take advantage of their location.

With a deep breath, she gave the creature a hard shove. It lost its balance and tipped back, over the edge it had been standing by and into the interior of her pod. She immediately jumped behind where she'd set the port window and shoved it back over the entryway, then clambered on top of it to lock it in place.

The monster righted itself and slammed against the window, and she tensed. The window held fast, though, and after a moment she eased herself off the pod. She let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

Okay… okay. She was all right. That had not been such a terrible battle. Yet, that was only because she'd been fortunate enough to have a means of trapping the monster close at hand. With the rush of adrenaline seeping away, she had a chance to resent the fact that it would have been so much _easier_ if she'd been able to fly away and perhaps frighten it off with a volley of starbolts.

That was what it all came back to, then. She would not be able to ignore her relative weakness of the moment, mostly because that weakness was stemming from her own tangled tide of emotions. It was unbelievably frustrating. She'd managed herself through terror, despair, betrayal, loss, shock, and she was certain she could deal with heartbreak if it came to it. But this, this sheer emotional _confusion_ , was by its very nature something she just could not seem to break through.

There was little she could do about that right now, though. Turning away from her pod, she mentally mapped the general area where the others should have crashed, picked a direction, and started off. Together they would get the ship repaired and leave this forsaken planet, and in time she would sort out her mental block – with or without Robin's help.

And then when they got home, she was going to find a way to ensure this didn't happen again.

…She hoped.


	2. Boundless Confidence

Empathic abilities could be difficult when you shared your home with four sets of raging hormones.

That wasn't to say Raven couldn't handle it. In all honesty, she was better at picking up on the basic signatures of those she was familiar with than she was at truly reading their emotions. Emotions required her to be close to her target, and even then, most of what she picked up could be gleaned from expression and behavior anyway. Titan's Tower was a big place, and even when she and her teammates were all grouped together, their varied and pitched sentiments tended to blend into a kind of background noise to her well-accustomed thoughts.

But it was still _noise_ , and it didn't help that it all came from a group of teenagers. Especially when one of those teenagers was a member of what had to be the single most emotional species in the galaxy.

Raven looked up from the book she was reading when a beacon entered her awareness. She paused a moment, waiting to see if Starfire was coming for her or just passing by, but that edge of concern leaking into her thoughts suggested that she might want to talk to her friend either way.

Then again, she wasn't exactly the best at discussing these kinds of things. One of the boys would probably have a better time easing whatever troubled their teammate.

The decision was made for her by a soft knock on her bedroom door. She stood up, tucked the book under her arm and slid the door open a crack.

Starfire dropped the hand she had used to knock and offered Raven a wan smile. "Greetings," she said. "I…"

Glancing away, she restarted, "Apologies for disturbing you, but there was something I was hoping you could help me with."

Raven cocked an eyebrow and opened her door wider. "What is it?"

Starfire was already radiating worry, but now a streak of embarrassment wormed its way to the surface. She folded her arms against her chest and still refused to look at her friend.

"…I lost control of my emotions while we were on Exxis. They were in such disarray that I could not use any of my powers. And it was all because of a foolish argument."

Raven kept her expression neutral, but she had to admit she was surprised. It had been two days now since the incident on that planet, but so far Starfire and Robin had been tight-lipped about their shared experience. All she knew was that Cyborg and Beast Boy had eventually discovered them hugging in a "distinctly un-platonic way" (Cyborg's words, not hers), and when pressed about the situation, Robin had just said that they'd needed to talk a few things out. What exactly those things were Raven could only guess, but she would not have imagined that it had been bad enough for Starfire's powers to fail.

The girl in question finally met her gaze. "I have increased my training in alternative combat in case of another such incident, but I would much prefer not to be caught 'off the guard' again. My flight –" here she winced, and Raven suspected it had to do with her time on Exxis "– especially is something I cannot afford to lose control of. I was hoping you might know of some meditation methods that could help me better balance my emotions."

Raven regarded Starfire for a moment. She well remembered the brief time they had spent in each other's bodies, and what she had learned of Tamaranean powers as a result. She still considered it exhausting to constantly make yourself feel specific, strong emotions at a moment's notice, even for someone who wasn't accustomed to keeping as tight a leash on their emotions as she herself was.

But Starfire had dealt with it from birth, and it seemed to come naturally to her. Raven had, on very rare occasion, noticed moments of possible power failure – but never more than one ability, and never for very long. She doubted this was an issue that would come up under any but the most rare and unexpected circumstances, but she _also_ knew what it was like to lose control over something you thought you had a handle on. It was frightening, and disorienting, and the only way to get your confidence back was to take measures to ensure it would not happen again.

Finally, Raven nodded and stepped back, beckoning Starfire to follow her into her room. "I'll see what I have," she said, setting her novel down and sending out a flicker of telekinesis to retrieve her books on meditation. She frowned a little as she looked over the titles – the methods she used were all geared toward calming and quieting her emotions as she focused on pure thought, but her companion would need a way to focus her passions instead.

Well, best to start somewhere. She glanced back toward Starfire. "I need to know what made you lose control of your emotions, so I know what to look for. Care to explain?"

Starfire folded her arms again and blushed. "…It was because of Robin," she confessed. "When Cyborg said 'the girlfriend' back on the communication station and he reacted the way he did, I worried that our relationship was not what I had believed it to be. But when I tried to get a clear explanation about his intentions, he only pushed me away." She sighed. "I realize now that I was pressuring him when he did not understand why, but the bonds I share with my friends are very important. It was simply his continued refusal to talk that confused my emotions. As I have said, a foolish argument."

Aah. She'd suspected it had something to do with that – it certainly explained what Robin had meant by "talking things out."

Raven's frown deepened as she remembered something from back when they'd trained each other in the use of their powers. "You said bonds. This has to do with your _k'non_ , doesn't it?"

Starfire hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. "I… suppose I worry about their integrity."

Something in the way she'd worded that gave Raven an idea. A terrible, stupid, horribly intrusive idea – but it was enough to make her glance at something on her dresser.

Starfire frowned. "Raven?"

Raven cast her a quick glance and then looked back at the object. It _was_ something that she found frequently helped her, and she _could_ re-attune it to someone else for a time. But she would have to go with Starfire, to help navigate the place and moreso to help her get back out at the end.

Great. Perfect. Not only had Raven somehow found herself giving advice hour, now she was going to dive into someone else's mind. Because she knew Starfire – knew that she was open enough not to consider it an intrusion, knew that her emotional link to her powers was not so much unlike Raven's own, and knew that the thing she needed the most right now was the support of a friend.

With a tiny sigh and a futile hope that her teammate would refuse her offer, she walked over and picked up her meditation mirror. "If it's mental constructs you're worried about," she said, "it might help to go in and take a look."

* * *

Mindscapes, such as they were, trended towards the unpredictable. They were psychic constructs of a sort, pulled from the thoughts and feelings of a being and given form when the magically-inclined managed to enter that being's consciousness. Most of them were far simpler than Raven's – between the natural results of her meditation and emotional control, and a few wards she had purposefully placed to keep intruders from her deepest self, hers was something of a mess.

That said, she expected Starfire's to be more complex than average. The alien girl still meditated with her on occasion, but more than that, these _k'non_ of hers were exactly the kind of thing that could be expected to take physical form within a mindscape.

Perhaps that was why, when the two of them stepped through the portal of Raven's mirror, she was surprised to find herself in an almost empty expanse. It took her a moment to recognize the pinkish-purple sky and the distant mountains of the desert near the Tamaranean capital. That much checked out, at least, but she would have pictured something a little more… lively, she supposed, from a bubbly girl like Starfire.

"Okay," she said, turning to her companion. "Mindscapes work by their own rules, and those rules are subject to change. As the creator of this one, you should have both an instinctive understanding of and a _little_ control over how it works.

"So," she went on, sweeping an arm across the desert, "Where are we, and where do we need to be?"

Starfire turned in a slow circle, a tiny smile creeping on to her face as she took in their surroundings. "This is the Gikha Desert," she explained. "It is where my thoughts turn when I require calm. I believe I have heard of it referred to as the 'happy place.'"

Finally, she stopped and pointed up over a small rise. "We will find what we need there."

Raven nodded and followed her up the small hill. She wasn't sure what to expect, and with one surprise already she wasn't going to bother guessing.

The two of them crested the rise to find the desert gone, and a sprawling forest in its place. Massive, multicolored trees dominated the area, unrecognizable to Raven yet just familiar enough that she could not simply assume they too were from Tamaran. Scattered bushes dotted the space between the trees, but rather than a carpet of underbrush or grass, the forest floor was covered in thick, winding and brightly-colored vines.

Starfire's eyes lit up in recognition, and she lifted from the ground with a grin and darted to the largest of the nearby trees. Raven followed on foot and continued her observations.

As they drew closer, she realized that the vivid colors on the trees came from more of those vines, encircling their trunks until the bark was barely visible. Vines wound and peeked through the underbrush, vines draped the tree branches, vines climbed up one another as much as they did the actual trees. Those on the forest floor sported hues of almost every color she could think of, but the ones on the trees were primarily orange, purple or green.

Starfire had reached her chosen tree, and now studied it with her brows knitted thoughtfully. She muttered something to herself in Tamaranean and smiled again.

Raven caught up to her and looked over the tree. Was this supposed to be a _k'non_? Without thinking, she reached up and laid a hand on it.

Immediately, her vision swam and new images imposed themselves over the now-shadowed mindscape. She could see Starfire turning towards her in surprise as she jerked back, but by the alien's side was a hulking Tamaranean man with an upright crown in his hands. Raven could feel the soft breeze coming through an archway that had not been there a moment ago, and the cool metal of the crown as he placed it neatly over her forehead and around her face.

The man – Galfore – spoke as he did so, but it took Raven a moment to process what was happening and start paying attention to the words. He held up one hand.

"Do not attempt to fool an old _klorfker_ ," Galfore rumbled. "I raised you. I have always expected great things from you, my Princess, and tonight is no exception."

Raven blinked as the realization struck her – this was one of Starfire's memories, following her point of view. She took a step back from the tree and looked around, but the images of the memory followed her vision.

" _Yes," Starfire's voice answered him in a resigned tone as her gaze shifted downward. "I will do what is right for Tamaran."_

_Galfore cupped a gentle finger under her chin and raised her head back up._ (This was really getting disorienting.) _"You must do what is right," he said, "in your heart."_

The vision faded away after that, and Raven turned to Starfire with wide eyes. She felt heat in her cheeks. "Um… Sorry?"

Starfire blinked. She looked back at the tree and scrunched her brows – gleaning understanding of what had just happened from her instinct of the mindscape, no doubt. "You… experienced one of my memories, yes?" she asked.

Raven nodded, and the heat in her face intensified. "It was something about Galfore giving you advice and a crown. Sorry, I didn't expect that to happen."

Starfire gave her a small smile and a reassuring "It is all right." She then turned back to the tree, cocking her head as she did so.

After a moment, she reached out and brushed her fingertips against the thick purple vine Raven had touched. She started, and her focus quickly shifted to a space where Galfore must have appeared for her, but after a moment her face lit up in recognition.

"This happened the night I overthrew Blackfire," she explained, bringing her focus back to Raven. "Galfore gave me reassurance in a trying time, and his words inspired my decision to name him Grand Ruler. The memory brings me great joy."

Raven frowned and glanced back at the purple vine on what was apparently Galfore's _k'non_ -tree. "So, the vines," she thought aloud. "They're your memories? Do you match them up to emotions for your _k'non_?"

Starfire nodded. "Our bonds are built on experiences, and so our _k'non_ are strengthened by memories," she explained. "We do not require the use of the memories, necessarily, but drawing from them can aid our focus."

With that, she returned her attention to the _k'non_ and hummed in thought. Most of its memory-vines, Raven now realized, were either violet or a vivid orange. Starfire touched one of the orange ones, and then paused as she took in the new memory. After a few moments, a warm smile spread across her face.

"Confidence. This was before I came to Earth, when Galfore often advised me during my tutelage and training. I often look to him for encouragement," she said.

Raven nodded, recalling the brightly-colored cloaks that identified her emotional manifestations in her own mindscape. "I had a feeling."

Looking around, she noted that most of the nearest _k'non_ were dominated by the soft violet of joy, but one just a little farther back was instead draped in a sharp green. "Then the green must be righteous fury?"

Starfire's mouth twisted into a grimace as she followed Raven's gaze. "I suppose it is appropriate that starbolts are primarily weapons," she commented. "It can be difficult to create a _k'non_ focused on righteous fury unless one makes use of an enemy. _That_ one belongs to the Gordanian Lord Trogaar."

She turned back with a low sigh. "It is… comforting to see elements of my past life here," she confessed, smiling a little as she brushed her fingers over the trunk representing Galfore's _k'non_. "Most of these are my family, and I was beginning to fear that I had lost access to their bonds.

"…Galfore was my _k'nonaki_ once." She glanced over to Raven. "Did I mention those, when we did the sharing of secrets that night? I do not recall."

Raven shook her head silently, and Starfire went on. "A _k'nonaki_ … I suppose the best translation would be 'Great Bond.' It is meant to represent one of the most important entities in a Tamaranean's life, and to always be dependable when a power is needed. Unbridled joy that you receive by its very nature, boundless confidence through the strength of the bond, righteous fury from a need to protect it. Some Tamaraneans choose no other _k'non_ , relying on their _k'nonaki_ alone."

Suddenly she grimaced again, and she turned and started deeper into the forest. "Come. We will not find what we seek here."

Raven frowned thoughtfully as she considered this newest piece of information, but she said nothing for now and started after her friend.

* * *

The two of them walked among the _k'non_ for some time. Something in the mindscape had shifted when they entered the area, and what had once presented itself as a sprawling forest now resolved into a small copse of around twenty trees. Even so, it was slow going as Starfire meandered along the path, studying each _k'non_ in turn and pausing once or twice to recall old friends and memories in a way that only the vines could provide.

Raven didn't rush her. She knew, perhaps better than anyone, that working through these kinds of mental blocks took time. But she didn't touch anything else, either.

On two occasions they came across downed trees choked under the weight of sickly-looking vines. The first, swathed mostly in green and a dull brown, was lying among the trees that Starfire had identified as belonging to her family. When Raven asked about it, Starfire had simply stared down, hands balled into fists, and stated that she could no longer bring herself to use that _k'non_ for any reason. The second was found farther in, the muted colors wound around it a chaotic clash of emotions, and Raven didn't dare bring it up. That said, neither _k'non_ seemed to surprise or concern Starfire. They continued on.

One of the trees gave Raven pause, not because of anything unusual in its shape or position but because of its color. While the now-familiar colorations of every other _k'non_ associated them with one or two of Starfire's three power-linked emotions, this one was dominated by a bright cyan which was otherwise rarely seen off the ground. Raven turned to her companion with a raised eyebrow.

Starfire's expression lit up as she flew over to the out-of-place tree and drew her fingers over a couple of vines, giggling. "I did not believe I still had this one!" she exclaimed. "I have not had reason to make use of it since its construction."

Raven took a couple steps closer, brow still in the air. "No kidding. What is it?"

"Earth," Starfire replied, still circling the _k'non_ with a grin on her face. "I believe it is my only _k'non_ linked to something other than a living creature. It is perhaps a broad choice, but it makes for the most wondrous source of insatiable curiosity."

"Uh-huh. And this mysterious fourth power that requires 'insatiable curiosity' is…?"

At this question Starfire's grin disappeared, replaced by a bright blush. "…Language transfer."

Raven blinked. "Language _what_?"

"It-is-not-important-how-it-works!" The words came out in a blur, and Starfire darted over, grabbed Raven's hand and dragged her off to their next stop. "Come-we-are-close-to-what-I-needed-to-see."

Well okay then. It wasn't like Raven wanted to pry anyway, but she didn't even get a chance to wonder at whatever had just happened before her friend halted again. And what she saw then stole all her attention away.

They had reached the heart of the small wood, it seemed, and three trees just a bit larger than the rest surrounded a fourth in the center. One of the trees was dominated by the bright orange of confidence, another by the deep violet of joy, while the one nearest them held a fair mixture of both.

But it was the central tree that drew her gaze. It towered over the others, thick and sprawling, and she could hardly believe she had missed it before. Purple and orange vines wove an intricate web up its trunk, stripes of green poked through the gaps, and even that rare blue had found good purchase here. Other colors had wormed their way in too, as they always did, but among them was a deep crimson that she didn't think she'd seen anywhere else.

"Your _k'nonaki_ , I'm guessing?" she asked. Starfire nodded, folding her arms against herself, and Raven didn't need empathy to catch her sudden sense of trepidation. With a small frown, she decided to change tactics.

Turning back to consider all four of the central _k'non_ , she realized something.

"These four represent us, don't they?" she asked. "The Titans. Your teammates." _Your second family_ , she added internally.

Starfire nodded again, tearing her gaze away from the _k'nonaki_ to gesture at the closest tree. "That one is you," she said.

Raven glanced over it. Joy and confidence both, huh? She wasn't sure how to feel about that – not with the looming threat of her father, especially now that the others knew. Some morbid part of her wondered if any of the stray colors wound around that one represented fear.

That wasn't why they were here, though. She didn't have to ask which of the Titans the _k'nonaki_ belonged to, and after that earlier explanation she was starting to understand why Starfire had wanted to take a careful look.

The girl in question took a deep breath and lifted off the ground once more to approach the _k'nonaki_. Her eyes darted from one memory to the next, and more than once she reached out as if to touch one of them only to stop and hover from an inch away.

When she reached one of the red vines, she paused longer than before and then finally gave in, brushing against it with her fingertips. Her expression softened into something tender and loving, and Raven wondered if she should give her some form of privacy.

Not a moment later, though, Starfire drew her hand away with a frown and a sigh. Her gaze swept over a dull brown vine immediately below the red one, and her eyes narrowed as she hooked a finger under it and attempted to pull it away.

The vine appeared loose at first, but it held fast to the tree. Starfire let out another low sigh and glanced back at Raven.

"That is a bad memory," she said, apparently as much to herself as her companion. "And one I would prefer not to associate with my _k'nonaki_." Her frown deepened as her gaze flicked to a couple other spots of out-of-place color.

Raven followed her gaze, folding her arms. "It probably needs more time," she offered. "Is this normal for _k'non_?"

Starfire hummed. "I suppose it is," she admitted. "But… it does not feel as though it should be."

Without another word, she drifted down and landed next to Raven. For several moments, the two of them simply stood together and regarded the sprawling _k'nonaki_.

"Do you think I have become too reliant on Robin?"

And there it was. Starfire's voice was soft, and her eyes remained fixed on the tree as though afraid of Raven's answer. Raven considered her for a moment, turning the question over in her head.

"…No," she concluded at length. "Actually, if anything I think you've gotten more independent since we first met."

Starfire turned toward her with a start. Raven just shrugged.

"When the team first formed, you kind of had a tendency to… panic over certain things," she went on. "Especially if something happened to Robin. I could always sense some protectiveness there, but I think he was also kind of like your anchor to your new life on Earth. I don't know, you'd have to tell me."

She flashed the other girl what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "But you're more confident now. You still protect him, but that's obvious and we're all pretty protective of each other anyway. You could always hold your own, but you're better at going out and actually doing it now."

Starfire frowned and turned back to her _k'nonaki_. "If that is the case, then why did a simple misunderstanding have such an adverse effect on me?"

Raven rolled her eyes and leaned back against the _k'non_ representing herself, careful to keep her cloak between her bare skin and its memories. "Starfire, you have a crush. Maybe more than a crush, if those red vines mean what I think they do. I might not know a lot about _k'non_ , but I do have some unfortunate experience with how distracting boys can be." She considered her words for a moment. "And how stupid."

When the other girl didn't answer right away, she went on. "You said some Tamaraneans only used their _k'nonaki_ and didn't bother with anything else, right?"

Starfire glanced over. "That is correct."

Raven shrugged. "So then, having all these _k'non_ means you're flexible. Just start by working with that." She smirked. "And maybe tell Robin not to be an idiot about telling you what he's thinking next time. Cyborg and Beast Boy too – I don't know if you can stop those two being idiots, but you can at least make sure they know better than to start some argument that messes up your powers."

Starfire giggled a little at that. "I suppose that makes the sense," she admitted.

Raven stood upright. "Okay, I've been literally invading your personal space for long enough. Let's go before I touch something and end up witnessing your darkest secret."

Starfire flashed her a broad smile and lifted off the ground. "Raven, I have already told you I do not mind your presence here," she said.

Looking around one last time, she took a deep breath and added, "But yes, I believe we can leave now. Thank you for your advice."

Raven nodded absently as she prepared her mirror's counterspell. "Don't mention it. If you still want to try meditation, I think I have a better idea about how to help now."

Starfire nodded eagerly, but as they stepped through the portal Raven couldn't help but notice the small shadow of lingering doubt as it crossed her friend's face.


	3. Righteous Fury

Just before they had attuned Raven's meditation mirror to link to Starfire's mindscape instead, the sorceress had mentioned a noteworthy but ultimately trivial side-effect. Upon entering one's own mind, she'd said, one might connect to it in a way that opened the door to the mindscape in other circumstances.

For the most part, those "other circumstances" really just applied to dreams. Starfire had already dreamt about the colorful forest in the Gikha Desert once or twice since her original foray, so it came as no surprise when she suddenly found herself on the hill just before her family's _k'non_.

With a small huff, she shook her head and placed a hand against it. Something felt just a bit off, and not because she could tell she was dreaming. These mindscape visits were much more stable than normal dreams anyway. Her current lucidity made that much clear.

Despite this, her recent memories were still fuzzy. What had she done today again? She was sure it had been meaningful. But those thoughts were all a jumble, as was expected in a dreamscape, and she wasn't sure she would remember before she woke up.

Well, she was in the right place to fix that. The forest wasn't just home to her _k'non_ – they had prompted its organization, true enough, but it also held lesser bonds, significant memories, and much of the emotional energy those memories tied themselves to.

Starfire let her gaze sweep over the trees until it landed on one that she recognized by pure instinct as her mother's. Almost on a whim, she thought of the woman's kind heart and strong soul, and she let those thoughts buoy her into the air.

It was comforting, she reflected, to draw flight from those she rarely saw or had lost altogether. When joy was an immediate need, her quick and natural reaction was to use one of her most constant current sources – if not Robin then one of her other teammates and dearest friends. But for her, _k'non_ were as much a private honor as they were a set of emotional tools.

Perhaps that was why she had so many.

Starfire drifted through the forest for a time, stopping on occasion to touch a vine and relive an old memory. She had no real goal in mind. She was technically dreaming, after all. Even finding a recollection of the day before was more a passing fancy than a real concern.

In time, she found herself near the heart of the wood. The bushes – lesser bonds like allies and civilians she had befriended – were more plentiful here, and she took a moment to look a few of them over until they identified themselves to her.

One of the bushes stood out from the rest. Draped in green and yellow, it was a little taller and thicker than the others, as if attempting to break beyond its bounds and join the trees around it. Starfire cocked her head and floated closer, trying to reach through the mild haze in her mind and remember what she had considered forming into a new _k'non_.

It only took a moment. _A sky red as blood above and hellfire below, people and buildings and_ everything _in ruins, and all from the mere presence of such a vile being_. The force of the realization threw her out of the air, and she held her head and groaned.

She remembered now. _That_ had been today, and for all the raw fury Trigon inspired, there was still too much fear there for her to build a useable _k'non_.

She took several deep, calming breaths. _He is gone_ , she reminded herself. _We defeated him. Raven banished him_.

So why did something still feel wrong? She had thought it might have something to do with her memory, but that was not the case. It was as if some tiny part of her was missing.

Something rustled behind her, and she froze. Her mindscape was not like what Raven had described of her own, with sentry creatures acting as mental guards and leashed emotions picking up minds of their own. She – this manifestation of her consciousness – should have been the only animate entity.

Starfire turned toward the source of the sound. Her _k'nonaki_ was there, but there was someone perched in its branches. The being seemed quite comfortable, lounging back and looking down at her with a mocking smirk.

And the being was her. Darkened, stripped of all color save the demonic red in its eyes, but unmistakably _her_.

That part of her was not missing, Starfire realized. It was loose.

"I was beginning to wonder if you would even notice me," the dark mirror said. "You have always been far too wrapped up in sentimentality."

Starfire didn't even need to focus – the mere sight of her personal demon was enough for a pair of warning starbolts to flare to life with a simple thought.

"Beast Boy destroyed your body," she snapped. "You have no power in the outside world."

The smirk broadened into a wide grin. "Yes," the dark mirror purred. "Beast Boy defeated me before, when you could not." She leaped down from the branches of the _k'nonaki_.

"And now we are within our mind, and utterly alone. I believe I have the advantage here."

Starfire's eyes narrowed, her posture tense and battle-ready. "I fail to see your advantage. Our abilities are the same. I still have my _k'non_ , and as a part of me you must use the same ones as I."

The dark mirror threw her head back and laughed.

"You truly believe that we require such tools?" she asked when she was done. "The fight alone provides even you with much of your power. Why would I, untethered by pitiful sentimentality, need anything else?"

Starfire grit her teeth. She should have known – this creature was made of only her darkest thoughts and most selfish desires, yet she still flew. Separated from those thoughts like this, Starfire could now hardly imagine a desire for them. But she still remembered times when she had felt them before, and in their first battle the mirror had been all too eager to remind her.

Bloodlust. Fatalism. Possessiveness. _Isolation_.

A fitting name, she thought, for the thing that preyed on her greatest fear.

"We do not need to pull strength from these bonds," Isolation went on. "They only open the doorways to weakness. _Rutha'an ru gekta_."

Starfire regarded her carefully, considering her odd choice of phrase. It was a quirk of the Tamaranean language – its literal translation was 'You weaken yourself to them,' but in practice it simply referred to doing someone a kindness.

"You and I both know that is not an insult," she finally retorted. "It proves nothing."

Isolation cocked her head. "Oh?" Glancing back to the sprawling tree behind her, she reached out and tapped a lone yellow vine.

Some link between the two consciousnesses must have remained, because a vision of the memory appeared to Starfire as surely as her counterpart. _Seething anger on his face over something she could not see. He grabbed her arm with just enough force to cause some small pain, but far worse was the force with which he lashed out at her._

" _Slade ran right by you! How could you let him get away?!"_

The shock of the painful memory shattered her concentration, and her starbolts flickered and died. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and tried to push the memory away.

When she opened them, Isolation was hovering just before her with her own starbolts at the ready.

" _Rutha_ ," she hissed, and let them fly.

Starfire just managed a dodge, but her counterpart kept up the barrage. With inadequate speed on the ground and no time to focus enough for flight, she raised her arms in a block. Her gauntlets managed to absorb some of the energy from the next pair of starbolts, but their force still threw her back several yards and onto her back.

Isolation sauntered over, another taunt no doubt at the ready. Starfire ignored her and reached for a joyful thought, but the strange haze of the dreamscape remained. Memories were still sluggish without a direct line of contact.

"Is that truly the best you can manage? This fight will be dreadfully disappointing if – Gah!"

Starfire was up again and returning fire. Isolation was forced back, growling as she darted among the trees in an effort to shake her pursuer.

Starfire tore after her, thoughts of Robin's faith and Raven's strength fixed in her mind. She flung starbolts as quickly as she could aim, but against Tamaranean speed and the cover of the forest, she couldn't quite land a hit.

Eyes narrowed, she considered her options. She needed to end this battle quickly – fighting a mirror of herself was tricky business, and she didn't want to know what would happen if she got knocked out or defeated even temporarily in this realm. She needed herself at full power, and perhaps something to throw off her enemy.

Brightly-colored vines sped by as she followed Isolation in a tight bend around a _k'non_. Most were orange – confidence, strength. She could use some extra confidence in a battle like this.

On impulse, she reached out and brushed her fingers against one of the last passing vines.

_The training room walls were a blur as she zig-zagged out of the sonic cannon's line of fire_ and Isolation slowed her flight, disoriented. _Whirling around, she peppered her slower opponent with starbolts before swooping in for a more direct attack_.

Isolation snarled and cast her eyes around the illusion _and Cyborg grunted as she knocked him onto his back_. She was picking up speed again, but that moment of hesitation was all Starfire needed to catch up, barreling into her and using her high-strength to smash them both to the ground.

" _All right, all right, I yield!" Cyborg let out a good-natured chuckle and let her help him up. "Guess we know which of us would win in a real fight. Remind me not to go up against you on the field."_

The memory finished playing out to Isolation's cold glare. "You thought that amusing, did you?" she snapped. Glancing down, she grabbed a stormy grey vine off the ground.

_She dug through rubble at an almost frantic pace, checked only by the need to ensure that it would not settle and cause further harm_. Starfire flinched back, but her mirror pulled and the vine followed. Without warning, she lurched forward and snapped the vine around Starfire's arm.

_Civilians usually managed to vacate the area when the odd monster or supervillain showed up, but this one had been so_ fast. _Everyone save herself and Beast Boy were still busy quelling its rampage, and she could only pray that they had not been too late_.

Starfire hissed and tried to pull away, but some new trick of the mindscape held the memory fast to her arm. It offered little resistance when she moved, though, so she returned her attention to the inner demon now lunging at her.

Isolation's hands were alight, and Starfire had to duck and scramble to avoid her empowered strikes. Clenching her jaw, she drew confidence from the green-and-black gorilla still hauling rubble beside her memory-self and combined it with her battle fury.

_A face, bloodied and unmoving, took form through a gap in the stones_ as Starfire traded blows with her other self. One, two, three strikes and Isolation was thrown back against another _k'non_.

Starfire flew after her, but when Isolation raised her arms in a block she darted to the right. She grabbed a secure purple vine as she did, leveraging herself to aim a hard kick at her mirror's side.

_The terrified child clung to her neck as she carried him to safety_ and Isolation fell back hard on the ground. _A shriek sounded as another child lost her grip on the crumbling balcony, but before Starfire could react a streak of green shot past_.

Isolation growled and leapt to her feet, ignoring the new memory playing out around her. "You are weak. You use your friends as a crutch and fall apart when they fail to provide you their strength!" She punctuated the statement with a hastily-flung starbolt.

Starfire flinched at that accusation, and her moment of hesitation allowed the starbolt to connect. She grunted as it threw her back and slammed her against a tree.

She sucked in a painful breath, _but the girl,_ _now secure in Beast Boy's Pteranodon claws, began to cheer and chatter over the "awesomeness" of her rescue as he carried her to solid ground. After a moment, the boy in Starfire's arms did the same_. She smiled a little and let the memory return some strength to her limbs. This was a cruel game Isolation was playing, she reminded herself, and she refused to let the demon win.

"I do not… fall so easily," she said, hating the note of hesitation in her voice. She shook it and added, "And the strength I gain from them is added to my own, which is leant to them in turn. That is what teammates _do_."

Isolation frowned and drew her hands back, but Starfire was quicker on the draw. She forced her mirror into retreat with a flurry of starbolts.

Isolation snarled. "Our sister needs nobody but herself, and she is stronger than you!"

The outburst had caused her to slow, and a starbolt connected and threw her back. Starfire followed it up with an eyebeam, but Isolation recovered and darted to the side. She kept ahead as her original's beam attempted to follow.

Starfire broke off the attack and drifted back, careful to keep distance between herself and her mirror. Isolation disappeared briefly behind a _k'non_ , so she rose higher in the air to keep a better eye out.

"I have defeated Blackfire twice now!" she snapped, a careful eye on the foliage she knew her opponent was hiding in.

A howl of frustration broke the air, and grey and red flashed through the leaves of the _k'non_. Starfire prepared another eyebeam.

"You do not get it, do you?!" Isolation snarled, appearing again with a vine in hand as the scenery around them melted into another memory. She threw the vine upward even as Starfire shot her with a beam, driving her into the ground.

" _Beast Boooy!"_ The haunted voice, _Terra's_ voice, tore through the mindscape, and it alone was enough to make Starfire falter. It lasted only a moment, but in that moment the vine clamped itself around her calf.

_She whirled around to see her new friend, so alone and uncertain, back away in horror from the rubble pile that had not been there a moment ago. Terra lashed out at a few of Slade's robots before turning to run._

Starfire looked away from the image of the retreating figure and kept her focus on her opponent. Beast Boy had been fine; the real tragedy had come later. Isolation was just trying to distract her.

But then Isolation looked up at her with a smirk and _she realized the boulders were much heavier than they should have been. She dug desperately, but the shock and fear of the situation were hindering her confidence and making it difficult_.

Isolation darted away and grabbed another vine before Starfire could react, the old memory bleeding into a new one. "They are not worth your reliance!" she roared, and the memory flew almost of its own accord and secured itself to Starfire's other arm.

Isolation darted off again, and between the pound of memories and the tangle of vines, her original could not keep up. Vine after vine secured itself to her arms and legs and torso and neck, and it was all she could do to stay aloft.

_Beast Boy hurt her, however accidentally, and flight became such a hassle that she switched to running_.

_A dilapidated mockery of Titan's Tower stared down from an icy world, and strength left her._

_Cyborg was horribly ill but active, the only way to help him through forceful restraint, but she could hardly manage to conjure her starbolts._

_It was a simple misunderstanding, she_ knew _she was missing something, and yet Robin's refusal to talk cost her every power she had_.

The sheer weight of the memories tore at her, and she squeezed her eyes shut in a vain attempt to shake the crash of images and voices. Opening them again, she pulled upward and struggled against the vines. They only held tighter. She could feel her flight faltering, but she refused to give Isolation the satisfaction of letting it fail completely. It was harder than she cared to admit – her demon had chosen those memories well, and despite every encouraging thought, every scrap of confidence, and for all that the worst of her self-doubt had gone with Isolation…

It could not be denied that this, _all_ of this, was still a part of _her_.

"We are a proud warrior, even if you have forgotten it," Isolation purred, drifting closer with a twisted smirk. "Do not worry. Once I am in control, I will ensure that _everybody_ remembers."

Crimson energy pulsed to life around her hands, and Starfire pulled again against the memories. They pulled back, and her swing was clumsy and easily dodged. "No…" she wheezed, the memories around her throat threatening to choke her.

Isolation's smirk only grew, and she glanced down as an idea flashed across her features. From their position, Starfire could see that the two of them had ended up just over her _k'nonaki_.

"Who is to know?" Isolation asked. "Perhaps I shall do with Robin what you were always afraid to after all."

Starfire snarled. That flippant comment, that underlying threat, could not go uncontested. _She would not allow it_.

She could not quite explain how she did what she did next. Instinct, she supposed. Perhaps the sheer power of will, taken form in this place that was, after all, her own mind. But all she knew for sure was that if this creature, this tiny part of her, could latch memories around her wrists with a simple toss, then she herself would just have to do more.

In the moment Isolation drew a hand back to fling a starbolt, Starfire lifted her own hand and gave a hard mental tug. From below, a bright red vine snapped up and wrapped itself tight around Isolation's waist, the force of it causing her to misfire.

_The snarl of the approaching monster underscored the pounding of her own heart – they were backed into a corner, and even with all that had been said and done, her joy was still too shaky to trust just yet._

_But then Robin slipped his hand into hers, his expression relaying enough trust and confidence for the both of them._

" _As long as we're together, we'll be okay."_

Isolation sneered and moved again, but with a flick of Starfire's wrist, another vine shot up from below and pulled her hand back before she could fire.

"He is not a prize for us to claim!" Starfire snarled. A faint haze in her vision told her that her eyes were now blazing a brilliant green that matched her mirror's deep crimson. "None of them are!"

Isolation struck her with an eye beam, but it was a hasty shot and she recovered quickly. With a gentle thought, no more struggle, the vines around her right arm loosened and fell away. When it was fully mobile, she reached over and tugged gently at the vines choking at her neck until they too came off.

As they did, the sights and sounds and feelings that she had sent to Isolation were replaced by the more negative memories that she now touched. But she found that she no longer cared.

Isolation growled. "You still hide behind them?!"

Starfire made a slashing motion with her free hand, and several orange and purple vines sprang from the nearby _k'non_ and latched themselves to her mirror. "No," she replied simply, "I stand beside them."

Another volley of memories, and Isolation was bound as tightly as her counterpart.

"That is the real difference between you and I," Starfire reflected. "I see it now. Yes, there are obstacles to overcome, but there is so much more that I can gain from my friends and family and the people I protect. Yet you only see weakness there, except where there is something to be exploited. You call yourself strength, but in truth you are little more than fear."

She lowered her hand, and the glow in her eyes faded. "You really do remind me of our sister. I do not think I have ever pitied her as much as I do now."

Isolation snarled. "You deluded little –"

" _Silence_!" Starfire roared, blasting a high-powered starbolt into the ground below for emphasis. Her gaze hardened.

"There is something else I have realized. I do not need you anymore."

Isolation barked out a short laugh. "You cannot be rid of me! I am a _part_ of you!"

Starfire lowered her free arm, and a fresh set of memories arose and tangled themselves around it. "No," she said. "But I can contain you. And now I know better than to heed your words."

Isolation opened her mouth to speak again, but Starfire would not give her the satisfaction. With an incline of her head and a hard mental _pull_ , all the vines drew taut and both consciousnesses were dragged down and down, into the very ground of the mindscape.

Because it was, after all, a part of her.

* * *

Starfire awoke with a start. She lay still for a few moments, blinking the sleep from her eyes, and then let out a low groan and pushed herself into a sitting position.

It was tempting to believe that everything she had just been through was no more than an ordinary dream. Perhaps a bit of an elaborate one, but…

And yet even as she entertained the idea, and with it the thought that her rather literal inner battle might fade in a few hours, the new memories came trickling in. Memories of fighting herself twice over now, of the real world going black and being replaced by a strange and silent forest, of _hating_ herself for all her weaknesses and for how much she had always held back.

She shuddered at the lingering thoughts of her darkest self. She could almost hear it whispering in the back of her mind. " _You cannot be rid of me_."

A low warble broke her out of her musings. She glanced over to see Silkie at her bedside, looking up at her and pawing at her sheets with a stubby forelimb.

Starfire let a small smile cross her features. "Did I awaken you, little _bumgorf_?" she asked in a low voice, leaning over to scoop up the larva.

Silkie didn't answer her question, of course, but he trilled at the attention. Starfire chuckled as he settled into her lap, snuggling up against her stomach.

In all honesty, she wasn't sure whether to be upset or relieved that she'd awoken in the dead of night, without her friends available for comfort or advice after her latest encounter. A part of her feared that it was Isolation's influence making her hesitate at the thought of going to the others.

But the quiet presence of her pet, at least, was soothing, and after a few minutes of rubbing his head she was able to banish those niggling doubts from her mind. She would be all right, and if she truly needed someone to talk to… well, she could worry about it in the morning. She might be able to get back to sleep yet.

And in that moment, somewhere in a realm that existed only when a consciousness had access to it, a soft purple vine sprang from the ground and wound its way around a tiny tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for the main story! I have to say, this was an interesting beast to write; it started life as a collection of ideas about what methods Starfire might use to give herself the right emotions to use her powers, what her mindscape might look like with those methods in place, and (as I mentioned in the beginning) what she must have been thinking/how things went so sideways for her in the episode "Stranded." It made for a very internal and thought/memory based narrative, which provided more of a challenge than I would have expected when first starting out. I think it turned out well, though – this last chapter in particular was an absolute blast to write.
> 
> Now, as I mentioned, this is just the conclusion of the "main" story. There is one more chapter to the fanfiction after this, but it's not so much part of the main narrative as it is a just-for-fun "bonus" scene to round out the chapter themes. For now, though, I hope you all enjoyed this little piece of character exploration. Thanks for reading!


	4. Insatiable Curiosity (bonus scene)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the "bonus" chapter (epilogue perhaps? Not sure if it counts as an epilogue) to Joy and Fury! As mentioned before, this isn't really part of the main narrative, but there was just one more scene that I wanted to get into Starfire's head for in a way that matches up a bit to the main story. It also just so happens to fit the chapter title theme I was going for, considering how Starfire does in fact have four primary and emotion-linked (at least in my interpretation) powers. Basically, I couldn't resist.
> 
> This chapter takes place during Trouble in Tokyo, in an early scene that should be easily recognized.

It was, in Starfire's humble opinion, a minor miracle that she had only needed to transfer language once since coming to Earth.

She would not have made so bold a claim in the beginning, of course. The Teen Titans were, for the most part, a localized group, and there was little need to know more than the local language of English. That suited her just fine – while transfer was a gloriously simple process and one she was thankful for, the fact that the required contact had distinctly romantic connotations among humans was not. She had been too embarrassed upon learning that to ever mention the time she had "kissed" Robin that first night, and nobody else ever brought it up.

More recently, however, the Titans had spent several months traveling the world in pursuit of the Brotherhood of Evil. Starfire had been certain that her skill would be needed in some nation far from home, but the team always managed to find at least one person in the area who spoke English. She supposed she had been lucky to land in a place that used such a universal language.

Now, though, they found themselves in a huge and bustling city in the middle of Japan, and Starfire got the sense that they would need more than one or two English-speaking locals to track their quarry.

Robin confirmed her suspicions when he frowned and looked down the street. "I can't read the signs," he admitted.

Beast Boy waved the comment away and suggested they ask for directions, but when the man he spoke to answered in somewhat confused-sounding Japanese, Starfire began to steel herself. This was perfectly normal, she reminded herself. She had done it a dozen times before, and it was completely different from a kiss. Tamaraneans didn't even _do_ kissing.

Okay. She needed curiosity. She was tempted to pull it from her _k'nonaki_ , but associating Robin with what she was about to do would only make her feel embarrassed all over again.

Beast Boy returned defeated, and Cyborg looked like he was about to strangle the boy. Starfire calmly put up a hand to block him.

"Perhaps I may be of assistance," she said simply. She had to show the others that this was standard procedure for Tamaraneans; they would understand. It wouldn't be any weirder than it needed to be.

Starfire selected a lone boy about her age – she couldn't explain Tamaranean language absorption to everyone on the street, so it had to look relatively normal from their perspective as well. She thought of Earth – of all the weird and wonderful sights and sounds and smells, of the strange buildings and customs and foods and people. Much of what had baffled and intrigued her when she first arrived on Earth was understood and ordinary now, but the sights and sounds of Tokyo fired her curiosity all over again.

Reaching out to pull the boy closer, she pressed her mouth against his and gave a mental pull. Her lips tingled and her throat heated a little as she absorbed Japanese, and she hummed on instinct.

She held contact a little longer than was probably necessary. She had rushed when absorbing English, and upon finding out what the behavior meant on Earth had resolved to complete her understanding of the language manually rather than use lip contact again, and years later her English was _still_ a little off. It was silly, perhaps, but if she had to do this again, she wanted to end it with an Earth language she knew perfectly.

Finally, she broke off and used the boy's language to ask him for directions. Smooth. Easy. She noticed the infatuated look he gave her, but it was far better than offence.

The others were, predictably, baffled by her display. However, a quick explanation of language transfer set them blessedly at ease. They continued on.

All except Robin. He didn't say much, but he seemed… disappointed, in a way. Starfire felt a little bad about that, but at the same time, the thought sent her heart fluttering. Did this mean he was ready to…?

Her thoughts at that moment were interrupted by the screams of civilians and the approach of a monster, but later when everything had settled down, she realized that a new curiosity had taken root. It wasn't by any means the first time she had thought of it, but now she knew for sure that she very badly wanted to give the human form of lip contact a try.


End file.
